You're Too Much Sugar For My Sweet Tooth

I would like to preface this entry by saying the following:

If you ever get the wise idea to simply bake all of your gifts for Christmas...make sure you're mentally prepared for the ensuing nightmare you are about to embark on.

I have been seriously baking since after work on Friday night and I finally STOPPED baking today (Sunday) at 5:30 pm when Maura B heroically showed up and purposefully made me put away my mixer, made me wash my hands of cookie dough, and sweet talked me into watching some 'Twin Peaks' episodes.

My back hurts. My hands are burnt, scalded, and dried out.
My kitchen is a disaster of powder sugar, rogue dough bits, and the detritus of a weekend of extreme baking.

I also want to mention that my kitchen is the size of a cubicle...No, my cubicle at work is bigger than my kitchen...
At any rate, it's sort of a weird juggling act, but I recently read an amazing article by Mark Bittman (the famous chef and cook book writer) who said that having a small kitchen shouldn't be an excuse to not cook.
Here's the article if you're interested: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/14/weekinreview/14bittman.html?_r=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

So, here it is...a blog of my journey and a reminder (to those of you lucky enough to receive my yearly Christmas goody bag) that everything was handmade and created with love, but if saying the F word over and over again changes the flavor of any of the items you see below...then we'll just call that the special ingredient.

So, the 4 lbs of bacon was for this...
I charged head on into the world of Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies!
I mentioned these little culinary novelties way back in the summer on this blog because the very concept of a Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookie is outrageous and challenging to one's palate.

You can find the recipe here:
http://neverbashfulwithbutter.com/food/2008/03/01/experiments-in-deliciousness-bacon-chocolate-chip-cookies-with-maple-cinnamon-glaze/

I made a few alterations to the recipe, but on the whole...kept them "as is".

And can I just say, I make the best damn Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies you will ever eat.

The maple glaze on top...that does something special to the overall flavor of the cookie.
I ate one of these this morning with a cup of coffee and felt like I had met at least 3 of the food groups required for health and vitality.

Next was the Lemon Butter Cookies...

Man, is rolling dough and cutting cookies a delight! Particularly when you are working in a space about a foot wide by two feet deep.
I'm pretty sure that I cursed more while working on this recipe than on any other.

Still, the cookies turned out delicious!
I made a lemon glaze for these little babies too...rather than just the sprinkle of granulated sugar that the recipe called for.
That is how I roll, my friends - Unpredictable!

Next...because I still had a bag of "Craisins" left from Thanksgiving, I decided to bust out a batch of these insane Cranberry, White Chocolate, Macadamia Nut Cookies.
These suckers are like cookie narcotics.
You eat it...and you can taste how bad they are for you...as you walk away from the bowl they reside in, you remind yourself that you don't need them...they need you.
An hour later, you find yourself shamefully reaching in for another - your glance darting to all the faces of the people around you who you fear are judging you. Alas, the taste of these cookies wipe away that shame and paranoia.
See, it's like drugs.

Still, the beauty part of this deal is that I got to use my new vintage flour sifter that my mom bought for me.
I love vintage cooking gadgets - a hereditary thing I picked up from my mom.
The other gadget up there is a "Nut Meat Grinder" - and although we all know what it's purpose is...I found myself silently saying those three words over and over again as I used it to grind the macadamia nuts.

Honestly, I started to feel like an emotionless cookie machine.
Mechanically forming and placing each ball of dough on the cookie sheet...putting them in the oven...removing them from the oven...letting them cool...packaging them in a plastic Ziploc...and then into a gift bag.

There was something soothing about it...and also terrifying.
I felt like a cog in a machine - Industrial Revolution style...still, I suppose it probably smelled better and I got to eat a good number of cookies while I was working.


I made some gingerbread loaves too. They make the house smell like Christmas - cloves, ginger, cinnamon, molasses!
But the thing about gingerbread loaves...they take FOREVER to bake.
Cookies take around 10 minutes to bake and you can crank them out and are thus more satisfying.
Actually, I intended to make more gingerbread loaves, but right now I've decided to call it good.

These are tasty little peanut butter cookies that you insert a Hershey's Kiss in the middle of. A Christmas staple in my yearly goody bag - they are so good and, my fave part? The sound the cookie makes when you stick the Kiss in it - it's something I look forward to every year.
I know that's weird, but if you heard it...you'd understand.
Don't judge.

I decided while I was making the peanut butter cookies that I would bust out some Puppy Chow.
One of my specialties! It's basically corn cereal coated in chocolate, peanut butter, and powdered sugar...but weirdly, people always like it best.

I prepare it in a garbage bag.

Sadly, multi-tasking is sort of a bad idea while baking. I got flustered a lot while working on the garbage bag full of hot milk chocolate and peanut butter mixed with cereal - all the while, placing dough balls on the cookie sheet, shucking Hershey Kisses (I did a whole bag in less than 10 minutes), and making room for more cooling cookies.

This stuff, by the way, is wicked dangerous.
You eat a little...and then set it down...and find yourself unconsciously hitting it again and again until it's gone and you find you are licking your fingers and you don't know why.

It all worked out though.
I mean, I burned the shit out of my hand while pouring hot melted chocolate and peanut butter.
I spilled a ton of corn cereal on the floor...
But it all worked out.

Thankfully, good music and the million and a half decent conversations that I had with myself made the weekend go by fast.
Animal Collective is the WRONG thing to listen to whilst baking...but the new Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan record is perfect. So is Blonde Redhead and Missing Persons...

All in all, I'm proud of myself!

Ugh, fuck cookies. I want a sandwich.